Right, if you are a Twilight fan then you should know that this blog is NOT damning them all to Hell. In fact, I'm not really sure where I'm going with this so bare with me.
First off, I have never seen the movie Twilight. Yes, yes I can hear all the shouts of 'sacrilege' now, but for some reason it missed my radar (which is odd given that I am a ridiculously big Sci-Fi fan) and I have no knowledge of it. I haven't read the fan books, bought the T-shirt, nor am I drinking from the mug. Nope, I have no links with Twilight in any way, shape or form.
Imagine my horror then, when a few of my close friends (less close now right enough) recently informed me that a change of nickname may be in store.
“What? Why? This is the first nickname I've had that in no way implies I'm idiot, over talkative, highly sexed, annoying or some screwed up combination of the four"
“Nessie has bad connotations since the release of the Twilight books. Believe us when we tell you, you do NOT want people to think you have that nickname for the same reasons the character in book does"
“Bollocks! I don't care why some random character has the same nickname as me in some oblique book. Not everybody will identify me with her. I'm Nessie because I'm from the highlands of Scotland, people know of my existence but rarely see me (thanks to my antisocial behaviour) and I can be seen us funny to some and just plain bloody creepy to others. Now THAT'S a proper reason for a nickname. I'm confident the people will see sense"
“You’re an idiot Nessie"
“Yes, your point is?"
“Anyone who's read the book is going to associate you with that character. When it happens we will laugh at you and tell you we told you so"
“I’m confident I'm right"
Two weeks later and I open my blog email to read the comments. The first seven read:
'Oh, we love Twilight too Nessie'
BUGGER!
Posts
Twilight can bite me, too! (Stupid, sparkling vampires!) Haven't read or watched it, so your nickname is safe with me.
ReplyDeletehaha I never watched or read Twilight either I am a loyal Buffy fan.
ReplyDeleteI've read the first two books and not come across Nessie yet so can't really comment. I can say you've not missed much. The film was utter tripe and the books... well the characters are all spoilt brats. Don't get me wrong, I'm a HUGE fan of vampire fiction (hence me trying them) - once you start reading them, there is something about them that even though you want to kill each and every one of them... you will still be compelled to read the whole series so best bet is to not even start :P
ReplyDeletei dont know shit about twilight either, i just know, with the utmost certitude, that it blows.
ReplyDelete-aa
Unfortunately, I'm a dyslexic goth, so I don't bother much with reading. I do, however, have a very realistic pair of snap-on fangs and a leather trench coat.
ReplyDeletewww.timecrook.blogspot.com
Your blog is upbeat and hilarious! Anybody that realizes you're from Scotland should be able to accurately make the correct association with your nickname, but then again if they're hooked on Twilight, they're trying to associate as much as possible with it.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your comments. Och, I feel like belting out a couple of verses of 'Can You Feel The Love Tonight'... But then I don't want to loose my hard woman of Blogger image! ;P
ReplyDeleteSanctum's Muse, what the hell (see what I did there?) is a 'sparkling' vampire? I love this descriptive word and I'm always going to use it when referring to vampires from now on. You have no idea of the visual I'm getting right now. I know it's wrong to associate vampires with white wine, but, you know! :)
TheMusicGeek, I'm not at all surprised by your Buffy admission. I too am of the Buffy way. She could kick their arse's any day. Fight, fight, fight. *AHEM* Excuse me.
Carmen, you're not one of my rant group friends in disguise are you? You just said, word for word, what they said. Although in their desperate desire to rationalize their reading/viewing choice they said they were only doing it ironically. Pfft, utter nonsense. I much prefer your honesty. I now nominate you to tell me who the Hell this Nessie lassie is when you get to her in your books, so I may publicly (and metaphorically) flay her.
a's anonymous, yes indeed, a man of very few words but much sense. Twilight blows, I want to change my title now.
Hunter, err I know you said other things but I'm kind of stuck on the leather trench coat and fangs... Or at least I wish I was. Run Hunter, run as fast as you can!
Right, what have we learnt from all this? I've learnt I have bloody funny (and supportive) people reading my blog. I've realized that, in future, I'm going to have to reply to comments as they are left. Lest I come on here and type what could be a whole new post in reply to them.
You have learnt that I have WAY too much time on my hands.
'Sparkling' Ness
Oops sorry Lena, I took so long replying to all my last comments that I missed yours. I thank you and whole heartily applaud your intelligence... Alas you are on your own on this one (well, you're not, there's the other guys on here but they don't count!), ONLY you guys associate the name with Scotland. I think you guys need to start multiplying, the human race are idiots.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I will admit to reading the Twilight series...yes the whole damned thing. (Shame on me as a self proclaimed adult...) I will excuse myself, however, by saying that it was my duty as a Mom since my teens and their crew were all reading and raving about it. Had to make sure it was acceptable, you know. Had nothing to do with the fact that I am a HUGE vampire lore fan. Love them!!!! That all said, I will also admit that I did not find the books totally annoying but I basically "skimmed" them as they did not promote a deep read. That claim is further supported by the fact that I don't even remember your namesake character....there was a Nessie in the books????? Huh, who knew?
ReplyDeleteAs for the movie, sat down to watch it at the insistence of now-formerly thought of mature, smart female friends. Made it through about half before having to turn off the TV, get a stiff drink, and watch Interview with a Vampire straight through without even a poddy break to redeem the vampire movie fan in me. What a waste of film! Took the lack of depth and viability of the books and exploited it further.
I am sincerely hoping this phenom will follow the path of it's title "Twilight" and quickly pass to allow total darkness, and true vampire entertainment, to once again take over the skies.
Here, here Deb. Well said. As much I totally hate and loath (too strong? No not really) Tom Cruise, I have to admit he rocked that film along with the very lovely Brad Pitt. Oh, I loved Stephen Rea in it too, and Antonio... Screw this, I'm away to watch Interview again.
ReplyDeleteYou know what? The more people who comment on here the more I'm beginning to suspect my friends were winding me up about Nessie. That's three people who've read the books and don't know her. Maybe they set me up so that they can give me a new nickname, the mind boggles. I can't be angry though, at least it gave me a reason to rant (like I needed one!).
I respect you blaming the kids for your reading choices Deb. I blame my child, mind you, at 7 it's not really believable.
Thank you for visiting Deb, I think you're going to be very welcome here.
Ness
I'm right there with you. I have no desire to see, read, wear, or drink from anything even remotely having to do with Twilight. That's probably why your blog title caught my interest.
ReplyDeleteI hear the vampires sparkle. Oh Please!
Welcome apiano4life, nice to hear you're in the same Mindset as us.
ReplyDeleteI am so tempted to start up an anti Twilight blog but I don't want to mess with those Twilighters. If I've learned one thing, it's never get between an obsessive stalker and her young man fix!
Ness
Hiya Ness :D re your David Bowie comment on my blog. Oh I so hear you and you're not alone! Think I was about the same age too :P Not astarted the swap yet people are still signing up. Not a clue what I'll be making.
ReplyDeleteI can confirm I'm not on your rant blog *g* I just knows what I like...or what I realy don't! ;)
finally found your site, iwilltry not to spell anything rong,jk, I have no idea why you would be compared to anyone. btw love your blog nice and thanks for following mine.
ReplyDeleteHa ha Bob, thanks very much. You're more than welcome here... watch your bloody spelling! :D
ReplyDeleteHey Ness, I have to tell you the truth. There is a reference to the nickname Nessie in one of the books of the Twilight Saga. I don't want to ruin the surprise but it is in reference to the Loch Ness Monster... I know it must be disappointing to hear this after all of the hype but it is true. The daughter of the "sparkling vampire" and human girl is nicknamed Nessie. LOL.
ReplyDeleteI will be honest and let you know I read all of the books of my own free will and then re-read them to my daughter. I did enjoy them for the age group they are intended for but the movie did not do the book justice. Regardless, I hope you now know who Nessie is.
You have a very witty blog and cannot wait to read more from you!
PS: thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog!
Aahh, sweets! I read all the books and decided they weren't for me, never watched the movie either. I'm sure I had something to say to encourage you but I got nothing. Love the blog, intend to follow! Can't wait to see what else you have!
ReplyDeletexoxo Shaylee
OH how I love your blog. My sides are hurting soo bad right now from your comments and all your responses that you have received. I am so glad to have found your blog. http://saraseigfriedphotos.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteYes, keep your nickname! i read all the books and it still took me a total of 6 minutes to remember who the heck nessie was. then i remembered and i got angry. stupid character. stupid end. stupid series.
ReplyDeleteyes, definitely don't mess with those twilight fans. some of them seem so obsessed i actually believe they would kill someone to get a piece of Robbert Pattison...Patterson? oh whatever.
And so the mystery is revealed! *SOB SOB SNIFFLE* God damnit, I really thought I was home free on this subject. But the fact you guys have read the books and STILL didn't immediately associate her with me makes me feel all warm inside (behave).
ReplyDeleteJust Me, come on now, don't keep us waiting. Why did they want to call her The Loch Ness Monster? After how much overtime my brain has been doing on the subject I'm sure it can't be all that bad... Can it? Anyway, it's great to have you here and thanks for the praise.
Shaylee, welcome. Did you read ALL the books before discarding them? You're much more thorough than me. First page, middle page, last page... Not interested? On the fire for you Mr book. See? See how judgmental I am?
whiterabbit, wow high praise indeed from you. Thank you, I'm blushing!
The Real Girl, thank you for the advice. I think I will keep the name (only because I'm too damn lazy to come up with a new one!) and thank you for making me laugh at your brief but very accurate summary of Twilight.
'stupid character. Stupid end. Stupid series.'
EXCELLENT!
Ness
Well, I just wonder how in the world the Twilight series got so dang popular. I got dragged to one movie and couldn't tell you anything...nothing stuck. Lots of people love those long teeth and thisty suckers.
ReplyDeleteSandra
www.tinyurl.com/realsmart
Mathy,Techy, Artsy Fartsy
Carmen said:
ReplyDeleteonce you start reading them, there is something about them that even though you want to kill each and every one of them... you will still be compelled to read the whole series so best bet is to not even start :P
Amen to that. And, Ness, it's not that the character itself is so bad (well, no worse than the rest of the characters) - I just didn't want you to get taken unawares by a bunch of crazy Twilighters!
And if you really want to know about the nickname, here's the Elisamaza recap:
As Just Me said, sparklepire and the human girl have a baby and her nickname is Nessie. Hybrid Baby's idiot mother (TardBella) names her Renesme, which is an idiot combination of Renee (TardBella's mom, aka Worst Mother EVER) and Esme (sparklepire's offensively ineffectual sparklepire mom). So, TardBella's best friend is a werewolf, and they do this thing called imprinting, and he's imprinted on Hybrid Baby (don't even get me started on that crazy crypto-Mormon bullshit). He starts calling her Nessie, because "that name...is kind of a mouthful," and TardBella is all, "WHAAAAT?! You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?! I am *so* unnecessarily enraged about this!" And then a bunch of other dumb stuff happens.
The end.
The Mathster, welcome to the madness. I'm one of the vampire fans too... But the more I hear about Twilight the more I avoid it like the Plague. I was stupid (and bored) enough to watch Dracula 2000 and Bram Stokers Dracula at the weekend and they were magnificently dreadful. Keanu Reeves as an English Lawyer... Pfft, utter bloody nonsense. Still, I did sit all the way through so I can't complain that much. Some films are so bad you have to watch them to believe them and then forget immediately!
ReplyDeleteElisamaza, I love you, I admire you and you are, by far, one of the most intelligent friends I have... You are up in my estimate even more now that you can make THAT story line funny and interesting. I love you for reading those books. Now let us speak of it no more lest I get too interested and buy the bloody things myself. I did make my way through all the Buffy books, so I'm not holding up much hope!
Ness
Stoopid ho
ReplyDeleteWow Anonymous, I'm touched. You came on here, you read the post and then decided, under the cloak of anonymity, to disperse your infinite wisdom in two words... Both of which are misspelled! Bravo!
ReplyDeleteNess