BIsexual, BIcurious, BIannual. Helping hints or just annoying 'fashionable' labels?
Women who make me wish I was gay: Eva Longoria Parker, Nelly Furtado, Sharleen Spiteri, Cameron Diaz
Men who make me wish I was gay: Spencer Pratt, the entire male ensemble of every Big Brother programme ever made, Chris Evans, Enrique Englais.
I am an open minded sort (if I keep saying it, people are bound to believe me at some point!) but recently I've become disheartened by my liberal attitude. I've been a member on a forum for a wee while now and it's inhabited by like minded people who have a lot more experience in the sex field. I'm not insinuating they're all pimps and whores... Although wouldn't it be great if there was a forum dedicated to these people? No, I mean not only do they type about it; they also do the very rare act these days of actually experiencing it too. I do sex toy reviews for this site and you need people reading to believe your an open minded sort who's not some tight thighed WASP sitting at her computer tutting and tisking at the youth of today. With that in mind, under the heading sexual orientation I was happy to put 'Married Bisexual'. I didn't have a problem with it. Yes I married a man and no I have not ever done the dirty tango with a woman but I do find some of them, emphasis on some, sexually attractive. No, I'm not one of these closet bi's that harbours deep seated sexual longings for her best female friend... So breathe woman, but I do get why some women like other women. I'm not above the odd two finger shuffle while thinking about an attractive woman. Admittedly they are almost always celebrities and always the finer specimen of the species. That said, I never fantasize about male celebrities. Don't get me wrong, mention the likes of Liam Neeson or George Clooney and my mind will always go to a bad and x rated place but strangely enough they don't have any staring roles in any of my fantasies. Is this because I'm already sexually fulfilled by my man? Probably, but the fact I'm not afraid to fantasize about women and indeed admit it to a bunch of strangers on here says to me. Nessie you ain't straight as a dye.
Anyway, back to said forum. There I was patting myself on the back for being so goddamn open minded and sexually forward for admitting my indecisiveness online when someone comes straight out (if you'll excuse the expression) and asks 'why' I'm bisexual. I reply that some women interest me and had I not met Mr. Nessie at the beginning of time I suspect I would not be above dating one. The damning reply of
“That means bicurious then NOT bi sexual. Stop confusing the two. You're sending out the wrong message”
I was amused, bemused and frankly pissed of. I had no idea that any labels I attribute to myself could be called into question by someone who knew me from approximately 5 posts on the Internet. As for the wrong message... well, the mind baffles really.
I once asked a friend of mine what sexuality he was
“I'm an equal opportunities employer” He replied
“So you're bi sexual then?” I asked
“Pfft, I'll do a man or a woman depending on my mood. I'm not bi anything. Those labels are only employed now because people are anal about labeling themselves these days. You are what you are. Why pigeon hole yourself? I also love eating pizza, dancing to loud music in my flat alone and never do my own laundry. Should I find labels for all that and include it the next time I introduce myself?”
I still class this as one of the best answers I've ever had when it come to the time old question ‘What's your sexual orientation?'
So come on people. Thoughts, theories, insults? Is it important to mark your wrapper clearly or are we a society gone label mad?
Nessie
Posts
Actually I find the person saying the bi-curious comment to you quite insulting. Are they saying if you were 'properly' bi you should be cheating on your husband? It's like the people that wont get changed in the same changing room as my sister because she is gay - even though she is in a very happy and loving relationship and they are all old, bitter and twisted crones. It makes my blood BOIL. Labelling & misconceptions - pah! I hate it.
ReplyDeleteI believe there is a bit of at least curiousness in every one. If anyone denies actually thinking about doing something with a member of the opposite sex they are big fat fibbers in my book. I'm not saying I'm this open, extrovert or anything - far from it. I'm very bashful when it comes to nookie but I do believe that it is in all of us to at least wonder.
I'm so totally with you on the Charlene Spiteri thing - saw her live a couple of years ago and said to my sister (who was drooling quite literally) that she would probably be able to 'turn' me! Charlene that is - not my sister! Ew!
My ranting overtook me again - that middle bit should obviously read: If anyone denies actually thinking about doing something with a member of the SAME sex... doh!
ReplyDeleteAh Carmen, I can already tell that you and I are going to get on. Rant away, this is certainly the place for it.
ReplyDeleteI'm shocked at how narrow minded people can be. What did they think would happen with your sister in the changing room? Did they think she'd 'gay them up' and jump them? They should be so bloody lucky!
I remember my wee girl coming home from school a few months ago and saying that her friend's mum had been 'outed' in the playground and some of the other parents had started to make fun of her. She actually overheard a woman complain that she'd had coffee with her and was worried the woman was attracted to her now. My wee one, age 7 going on 80, asked a fantastic question.
"Why do all straight people think gay people want to sleep with them? Why is it always the unattractive ones that say it? I hope I grow up gay so I'm able to stick two fingers up at everyone."
From the mouths of babes!
So true. My girls have come out with similar things and the way some of the mums talk in the playground you would think they were supermodels or something.
ReplyDeleteMy sister got sick of it one day and asked if this one particular woman - who made the mistake of saying something within her earshot - wanted to sleep with every man she met and the woman scoffed and said she wasn't a tart and she was happily married. So sis said 'why do you think I'm any different. I'm happy,and love *** and to be quite honest you are all to old for me and I don't go for the butch type' Hehe. Miaow! She said the woman stood there doing a good fly catching impression as she walked off. Good for her.
Have started following you as tried to come back for another read just now (came away earlier as little'un was nosying over my shoulder) and it took me ages to find you again in my history link.
I think me and your sister would get on. No people, put your dirty minds away, not for that reason. I think Carmen's sister and I would laugh our arses of at these blundeing fools that believe everyone is gay for them.
ReplyDeleteI agree with both of you but am going to tackle instead the bisexual vs bicurious statement. If you did indeed misuse the terms, did this so-called expert offer the name of the reference book he/she/it was using to correct you? Is there such a thing as an official dictionary that defines the use of every label out there? Who says that "bisexual" doesn't reference a person sexually attracted to both genders and a "bicurious" person isn't actually just a person who is straight but curious about bisexuals? Labels should not be used to stereotype, judge, or berate another person. They are adjectives about a person, not definitions of them. They are subjective in meaning by the person using them. For example, I wonder if this "expert's" source of information would allow for two definitions of the label "ignorant bitch" the first being that of a lovable but rather dense female dog and the second being an opinonated, arrogant,judgemental, bi-idiot.
ReplyDeleteDeb1205- I LOVE you. I haven't laughed that hard in ages. May I use your quote? I can't wait for her to cross me again so that I can ask her about the term 'ignorant bitch' and call her a bi-idiot. You utter star, brilliant.
ReplyDeleteFeel free to use any quote you'd like in the battle against all idiots of the world... bi, tri, or quad...
ReplyDeleteAlso for the record, I wasn't sure your critic was a she but assumed any "he" being that catty earned the status of bitch : )
Carmen, I'm glad to hear that your sister gave one of those old biddies the tell-off she deserved. Get over yourselves, people!
ReplyDeleteSpeaking more broadly, I wonder if the attachment to labels isn't a large part of the problem. I know that I'm guilty of it - I call myself straight, I want to know if that hot actor is gay (I'm just nosy!), I wonder whether my bisexual friend doesn't really have a preference. But at the end of the day, where does any of that get me? Labels can obviously be helpful - if I know you're gay, I know you're not a potential mate for me. And, I happen to believe that humans need categories to understand the world in. But that doesn't mean we need to pretend that our categories are all-encompassing or unchanging. Especially in terms of sexuality, haven't we figured out yet that dividing everyone into "opposites," "matching pairs," or "both" doesn't really get us much of anywhere? Doesn't it seem that both gender and sexual preference more likely run along spectrums, or at least involve multiple variables, rather than shaking out into easily separated and mutually exclusive categories?
At the very least, it's obnoxious to think that the labels that hold meaning can be easily imposed on others, or that the meaning we pack into them is universal. Our labels are, at best, a shorthand. If I say I'm Black, female, and straight, those things mean a lot in my head. They give you, outside of my head, some information about me, but only so much. You don't know if I like to wear skirts or feel most comfortable in a pair of jeans. And knowing those things wouldn't really let you know how feminine or masculine I might be. You don't know whether I've ever found a woman attractive, and knowing that wouldn't tell you whether or not I'd actually sleep with one. You don't know if I like short guys or tall ones, how much I value a sense of humor, or how very much I hate beets.
And let me tell you - I hate beets almost as much as I hate homophobic bigots and label nazis.
ELISAMAZA, You're here and my goodness how you haven't changed a bit!
ReplyDeleteI completely see your point on this (as ever) and I completely envy your ability to out rant me at every opportunity!
As you said (a lot more intelligent than me I might add) we do need to labels. But more and more people are abusing the hell out of them and, for a BIG change, using them to extremes... Which is what all of you above me just said (and better).
*AHEM*
Yeah, so... Bad labels are bad and good labels are...
I'll get my coat!