Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Spring forward... Nessie's back!

Good grief it’s been a long time since I typed anything that didn’t start with the phrase ‘With this essay I shall attempt to dispute a pile of random psychological theories spurted by the insane mind of a bored theorist’ I never actually typed that, but I assure you that if I had it would have been infinitely better than the boring droll I ended up with.

So where has Nessie been for *CHECKS WATCH* well, nearly a year? Why, I’ve been trying to better myself through the pursuit of higher education. After years of thinking that burping was a socially acceptable form of communication I decided it was time to *AHEM* ‘put a formal qualification to my years of practical experience’ and get a psychology degree. Hm, not difficult when you say it fast! My first venture down the psychology trail began with a stop off at community college (yes, they’re as dire in Scotland as they are in the rest of the world) to get my spring board running jump at it through a foundation year level of Counselling Psychology. Well, if you didn’t hate me for leaving you all months ago without my acerbic humour, then when I tell you what a freakishly crazy few months I’ve had at college, then you’ll be positively baying for blood!

My first week consisted of getting in with the ‘wrong crowd’; actually that’s a misrepresentation of the phrase… Because when I say ‘wrong’ I mean crazy, and when I say ‘crowd’ I mean me. I mean I carved out a wonderful niche for myself from day one with my jobbie jokes, inability to shut the hell up and the continuous absence of any form of filter between my brain and my mouth became pretty irksome also… I’m informed!

The course has kind of progressed like that; lecturers would teach us wonderful things about Freud and Skinner… And then pause for me to make some haphazard comment about sex or poop, or both! Fellow students (many of whom are a great deal younger than me) rolling their eyes for the umpteenth time as Nessie attempts, yet again, to make her arm pit make a fart noise. Yep, as hard as it is to believe; Nessie is every bit as bad in real life as she is on the internet… A fact which pleases and scares me in equal measures.

I’m not finished my course at the college yet, I’ve got another 2 months to go before the joy of being photographed with my diploma and my ‘I survived’ shit eating grin! I’m currently applying to universities to continue down the psychology route because… Believe it or not, I actually do want to know why I find so much comfort in blaming my mother for everything! Anyway, needless to say I’ll be on here more now. The fact you guys hung around for all this time speaks volumes about you… And not in a stalkery way either! Over the next wee while you can look forward to such gems as ‘How I offended an entire University with the use of a toilet flush’ and ‘The etiquette I deployed to address someone with a fake eye… The dos and don’ts of the stare down’! This is hardly the greatest comeback blog, but I wanted you lovely people to know that you’re continued support with be rewarded… With more inane ramblings from a crazy, non-educated Scot that loves to make you laugh.


  1. Welcome back! Looking forward to tales of mayhem and rage. And, you know, you can't really pull the "non-educated" line anymore ;)

  2. Oh for goodness sake elisamaza (I need you to know what a huge issue I have typing your name by the way. Not complaining, just mentioning...And complaining!) I can pull the 'non-educated' line for another 3 years... Or could I just be a total arse and call myself 'pseudo-educated' from now on? *SIGH* Nope, I didn't think so either.
    It's great to be back, I'm ashamed of the time I've been away... I'll repent through my blogs I'm sure :)

  3. Yaaaaaay Nessie! Welcome back! I started an OU Psychology thang a few years back, sort of fizzled out when my Mum was ill (wait a minute... is that me blaming my Mum?? *g* She would slap me senseless!) and I keep meaning to get back on it as I really enjoyed it! Good for you, I suppose we can let you off the neglect just this once!

    You have really made my morning just for the simple use of the word jobby AHAHAHA! Haven't heard that in years!

  4. Ahh Carmen I love that you admit to laughing at the word jobbie AND that you started a psychology degree; It makes me feel less alone in world... And more than a little scared for the fate of humanity. ;)

  5. Hmmmm....gonna have to Google "jobbie" as my American brain has no clue.....anyway...

    Welcome Back, Ness! Please note that I have been gone from my blog for only 6 months, so I may in fact have to look down my nose at least once in regards to your longer absence : ) Oh, damn! I just tried looking down my nose and can't see anything other than my cleavage so that won't work....guess you're forgiven...

    I too considered a psych degree but decided knowing too much of the story behind my insanity might take some of the fun out of it. Instead, I returned to school about 3 years ago for a business management degree. Boring, I know, but it doesn't mess with my fantasy based reality where I rule, friends rock, and enemies blow. Dropped the classes due to some family (insert your favorite shit term) and haven't gotten back to it yet. I miss it. My classes were online and like you, I managed to quickly establish my role in the class. Some loved me, others not so much. It's strange how some people just have NO sense of humor : )

    I hope to get back to blog writing and often have thoughts/stories/etc that I feel blog-worthy, but have yet to find the time to get them recorded. Perhaps your return to the electronic literary world will be the inspirtation I need.

  6. HI YA GIRLIE.....yep my little blog thing kinda exploded then imploded then i got overloaded, have been in a loony bin situation with my mom and her sickness, then saw you were back and my heart lept with the joy of better day memories.
    welcome back, hope i get back soon too.
    big big hugs

  7. No, no Deb... for the love of all sanity don't Google jobbie (it's the Scottish word for poop... sorry, surprise ruined!)

    Hey you can look down your nose all you like... You clearly have larger breasts than me, so you may also mock me for that :)

    How did you go from thinking about a psych course to a business management one? Personally I believe the business management degree would be far more useful... You don't need to do that for 7 years straight to get a job at the end at least. You should try to get back... with the recession it clearly needs a real woman in control! I hope my return has inspired you to get up and running with the blog again, you know what a fan I am :)

    BBOOOOBBBBBBB! Now with the exploding and imploding thing... you're really keeping the jobbie analogy going aren't you? LOL I was really pleased to see how well all your blogs were doing (much deserved!) but I'm sorry for what you've been going through... I'd counsell you except I'm in a similar position and you'd have to wait another 4 years for me to graduate!! I really hope you find time to come back and entertain all your fans. Sloppy kiss, grammar check, wry smile and a big arsed hug :D

  8. just dropping by to say hey and love the site :D


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